This dilemma all men face. What have I done to win this victory, earn this bounty or receive this award, in a word, dance within the grace of Almighty God? What do I have that was not first given, breath of life, love, a name, a homeland, a strong arm, a quick pen or wit and a brief span in this material existence? Do I have any cause to brandish, polished pride for anything, when they are but gifts, first given, which may just as quickly be taken? A sword does not boast of its sharpness when wielded in battle nor would it offer boast if it remained as sharp and sat above the fire’s mantle.
Whether I am a man of measure, duty, honor, wealth or treasure is of null account, for a simple man with no name, gold or talent may be used by God, in a moment to outshine my life’s work. But there is still hope for this wretch of a man as I love God and know that He loves me. Time again He has taken men and stripped them of land, family, treasure and station, allowing them to wander through the desert of temptation and discernment only to restore them in greater measure at the end of their sanctification. Life should be lived for His Glory, using every breath, talent, dollar and thought to please Him through love, compassion and prayer.
I mourn for myself, thinking that I knew better only to find that very few of my works shall withstand the quenching fire of His testing, but I am quickly relieved of self pity knowing that I am still alive to set things right and live for Him. Pride is the compulsion that requires our complicity as its catalyst. We may be blinded in pride and never even know the name of our affliction. Every spirit must be tested, even those that appear righteous for their foundation may be fleshly and untrue, veiled in false nobility and good intention. Only those purposes which arise from God’s Will are worthy of pursuit. Forgive me Father for sinning against You in looking for anything that would perhaps make me good enough to earn Your love and the world’s admiration. For one cannot be won and the other is not worth the price of winning. Praise Jesus. I want to know Him more, perhaps He will choose to touch my mind this night, only if, only if.
awrkhakhaya 